20th January

This was the anniversary of mine and Bella’s first date, and what a first date it was lasting 4 days. It’s also only 4 days after the 5th month since she died so those few days I know are probably going to be a little hard to deal with.

Dealing with the other major things that have just passed, Christmas and New Year’s were reasonably difficult I can only imagine that this one will be quite a bit harder to deal with than those were.

On the day though I plan to remember the amazing time that we had in those four days that we spent together; Bella arrived on Saturday morning at about 9 am and looked stunning as she always did. At that time I had let things slide a lot, I was teetering on the edge of an anorexic relapse and my bipolar was a bit off-kilter.

My flat at the time was a bomb site, and later on, Bella did tell me that for the first 30 minutes she was there she wasn’t sure if she should stay because of the mess of my flat. But once we started talking and properly getting to know each other she decided that she would stay and see what happened.

Just like online once we started talking we talked on and on for hours losing track of time and before we knew it lunchtime was upon us. At the time I didn’t really have much food in my flat as I was starting down the path to relapse. So we walked down to the Tesco that was at the bottom of my road.