A new view on life

I know I have huge issues when it comes to my body, my weight, how I think I look and I could carry on this list for a while. This perception of myself comes from a mixture of both my anorexia and bipolar, then the two together also amplify certain things randomly as you go about living your life. This has always been an issue for me, and if anyone paid me a compliment on something I had issues about then I would initially think they were not serious and then quickly dismiss it and move on.

This is how it was for the first 39 years of my life; I had major issues with how I saw myself both physically and mentally. If someone told me I was seen as attractive I wouldn’t believe them and would quickly dismiss that; ignoring the fact that when in my 20’s I would be able to go without any effort from one girlfriend to the next. The only time I was single was if I made the decision that I wanted to do that at that moment in time.

Then when it came to something like intelligence I knew I was smart and that I could pass easily without putting in any substantial work. I coasted through school with no effort and nowhere near the number of work others would put themselves through. I could get high grades with little effort and never understood how others I knew couldn’t just do the same.

Even when I was doing my law degree I was putting in a bit more effort, but in the…