Bipolar, stress and a funeral

As many of you know 5 weeks ago I lost my girlfriend and the whole situation around that is very complicated. As the police are investigating it on behalf of the coroner as there is going to be an inquest into her death. I knew that this event would trigger either my bipolar or we would get a big episode or it would do the same with my anorexia it was a case of when it would happen not if it would.

This was the reason my mum was checking up on me daily as she was hoping the longer it went on without anything happening the smaller the episode would be. Well anyhow the funeral gave me a great distraction, it gave me something to focus on and to put my energy into that, to make it just the way that Bella would have wanted and I think I did her proud with how it went.

But once that was finished I had nothing left to do; so my mind went wandering, never a good thing for it to do. I was already in a very strange place as I was experiencing mania while all this was going on, so I was using Valium to keep things at bay, even if my GP was being a pain in the bum at prescribing them.

The funeral was on Tuesday and that was a very sad day, it was as Bella would have liked it but everything that was said or played music-wise made me cry. I have been to funerals before but never been one of two people who are the key players there Anita, Bella’s mother…