Dealing with emotions

Trigger warning; eating disorder actions, suicidal contemplation

Before I put myself in a coma my bipolar gave me the ability to ignore emotions where I wanted to, it was like I could put them away on a shelf and not have to deal with them. This was handy to be able to deal with as you could look at a problem and strip away all the emotions there and come up with a solution to the problem in an easy way.

But after the coma I have lost this ability, so now I have to deal with emotions when they crop up. Considering where I am with my life that is very frequently and very intense in how they present. So after 39 years of being able to ignore them, I have spent the best part of the last year having to deal with them head-on.

This brings about a whole new experience to have to learn and as fast as I can, it is like trying to learn to ride a bike the complexities that it brings can leave me feeling overwhelmed by them at times as this is all new to me. The smallest thing is able to set the wheels in motion to bring on something to deal with because of how that item is linked in a way to Bella.

The fact that I live on my own is on one front an advantage as if this happens during the day I will just let the emotions do their thing and more than likely leave me in floods of tears as a result. Something that in the daytime is not an issue…