Dear Bella,

It’s the run-up to Christmas and this year without you it is very odd and quite sad when it should be happy. Both I and your mum really wish you were here to celebrate it with us.

I miss you so much words can’t describe it, you brought light, warmth and hope to people you touched through your life. You were truly a one in a billion woman, who helped so many people with your advice and friendship.

After you died I did get quite ill, in fact, the worst I have ever got, as it was my brains' reaction to trying to escape from the reality of the situation. I did do something very stupid and that nearly killed me, but thankfully I survived. As it would have been terrible for a lot of people if I had died too.

For the first time in a long time, I am having to go to my parents for Christmas, but I am dreading it. Well more so worried that me not being in the mood for it and feeling sad and missing you will spoil Christmas for my parents, and I would feel bad about that.

But first, we have the one year anniversary of your surgery on the 23rd, I remember walking into your room the morning after your surgery and just seeing how happy you were that it was done. Even though you were in pain the feeling of happiness was overriding.

I don’t have anything planned to do on that day, though I will probably call your mum and talk to her for…