How am I feeling?

This is a question I have been asked a lot lately when I was in hospital and them by all the people who are providing me with support at home. It’s a question that I am getting a bit tired of hearing, to be honest. Because at the moment, for the first time in as long as I can remember I have been stable in my mood for over a month now.

Normally I would have had a little bit of a swing in my mood one way or the other, as that is what normally happens. But nope not even a hint that it’s going to change so I am just enjoying feeling normal and not either manic or depressed. I am feeling like how I think everyone else feels every day.

I have periods of sadness, where the grief catches up with me or I see something that triggers a memory and I can end up shedding a tear or two. But when I feel like that I pick up my teardrop and lay on the sofa and hold it close to my chest, and it makes me feel safe and close to you.

My mum has been a total star through all of this for me, especially when I got out of the hospital and she stayed with me for two weeks. She’s actually making me go out of the house because up till then the only time I had left was to go to your funeral. I was starting to become a recluse and was actually developing a fear of leaving the flat.

But going out with my mum has made me realise that I was worrying over nothing, and…