I am going for it

My therapist who had been looking after me since my hospital discharge in November had said that losing weight at this point would be risky, as she thought that I would get substantial therapy to help with the grief; I listened to her as she made a lot of valid points and we were both expecting that the therapy to follow would be substantial.

But, once I had spoken to this new therapist about what was going to happen things were different.
I was only going to be offered 6 seasons that would be 15 minutes long each, so not substantial. It was also potentially not going to happen, as because I said that the result of the inquest was important to me she did not think that we could deal with these issues now.

This to me feels like a total disappointment, if it happens then it is not likely that we can deal with it all in so few and short appointments. But that is and if it happens as there is a chance that it will not happen at all, because of how the verdict of the inquest is important to me so they won’t do it because we couldn’t get closure on this without that.

I had put all this effort into doing the things that I had been told in preparation for this only to find out that it is not going to be what we were expecting it to be. The daily battles I pushed myself through to stick to all of this and to be prepared now feel like they were…