Well that was an experience

I have experienced mixed episodes with my bipolar before but normally only for a very short time, with one exemption that resulted in a suicide attempt. They are really the mood type that I dislike the most as I can’t see them starting like I can when I get manic or depressed; then having to deal with both elements of mania and depression at the same time is confusing.

I had the pleasure of having one happen as a result of Bella’s death, as my brain couldn’t process things so it went into major meltdown territory and sent me on a roller coaster of a 3 and a bit month period. I knew something as big as that would cause something to happen and so did my mum but it getting as bad as it did I didn’t think that would happen.

People who know me saw some warning signs that things weren’t right but I didn’t see anything; indeed I only have a few memories of that whole period of time. After the funeral the first major thing happened, I went full-on psychotic for about 3 days. Now I have hallucinated before but this time it went to a whole new level, my brain constructed this whole other alternative reality that I was in and wanted to play it out and reacted as if that was how things were.

So for 3 days, I had totally lost my grasp on reality, it was worrying for me and for the person who was staying with me. But after a few days of that and some very strange experiences, it came to an end as quickly as it started. I was checked over by some paramedics and the police and they felt I was not a danger to myself or anyone…