Words I hate to hear at the moment

There are manly two phrases that people will say to me at this point, the first being “Oh you are so strong to deal with this” or the other is “you are doing so well” both of which are blatantly untrue when said about me. I haven’t really coped with the passing of Bella at all well.

I did manage to sort out the funeral that I did, but then and probably in the run-up to it, my brain was starting to melt. The equilibrium had swung from close to the middle ground to as far to the manic side as you could get. Initially, it was ok to deal with and even with it being far into mania I personally knew how to manage it or so I thought.

Like a bolt of lightning hitting my brain went from mania to psychosis. My brain couldn’t deal with all this and decided to make its own little world where things were normal and controlled and I was happy there. Until people decided leaving someone psychotic isn’t a good thing to do. So the police and the ambulance turned up and by this point, I was just laying calmly on the sofa as the psychosis drifted away from me.

Within a few hours, it was all gone, the ambulance and the police were sure that I wasn’t a danger to me or anyone else and left me alone in my house. Now my mum and I thought that was it, there is a big event then there is a big reaction to it. Psychosis is a big reaction it’s the top on the…